While I am not perfect, I was a loving, supportive, faithful wife. Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. It's been 10 years of this. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you wont complain: My husband never wants to do anything with me. You dont have to fake excitement about every little thing, but ask questions and express genuine curiosity about what hes passionate about. And that choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment. Yet he is still here, just as is your h. Why couldnt he show me that he could drop her, when I was feeling good about myself. I have found that this site has been so helpful to me, it is just incredible. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. 3. The affair has changed that for me. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. My 10 year old son's personality is that he does not want to leave the house to do go stuff. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. My major flaw is that Im fat. And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . Maybe even in a better, truer, more open and honest way. Of course that was a trigger for me, and I told him that it was nice that he was focusing on how the whole thing made HIM feel, and totally ignored how gut wrenching it was for ME as she sat there describing a college boyfriend who cheated on her, and went on at length about how I have no idea the pain, the agony, the etc etcof being cheated on. Wow I have been coming here for years. I am a spontaneous, energetic, social and active person. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. And sometimes, those things come first. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. Ayyy ahora si ya les cuento todito lo que pas De verdad que miedo I agree that, for me, its my commitment to God, first and foremost. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? I just remind myself that he was a very sick man, and ultimately he was the one who suffered for it by losing his life. There is one of three reasons . He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. He probably lies to his wife all the time telling her he's going to take her places and then never follows through. 6. I have begun traveling without him because he wont go. His lack of reactions kind of gave me permission to just carry on flirting. Those were the words that one of our friends told Linda recently. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. Not one bit. All of these will be removed and locked. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. You might think, "I'm a good husband and father, I don't cheat, I'm not mean or abusive, and I'm a good provider financially. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. I can definitely relate to feeling like my husband never wants to do anything with me. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. I dont live with her, I am not trying to make a life and raise a family with her. I love to be out and do fun things from traveling to movies to concerts etc. He never wants to go anywhere, do anything or even really spend time together. Good advise eg. If youre constantly asking your husband to spend time with you, he may feel like youre not putting in enough effort to make it happen. I loved snowboarding, my friends, my dogs, and of course, travel. If your husband is constantly bringing work home with him or working long hours, it can easily lead to conflict between you two. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. This is bonding time. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. Where is the feeling that what I have devoted the last THIRTY years of my life to, has mattered? Its not just you and him against the world. If youre spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. It is possible your husband could be having a physical, sexual affair with another woman or possibly an emotional. Doug, Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. Particularly in a long term relationship. Peace of trash she is, I see even more with that comment she made how she wanted my children, as well as my h, I cam only imagine the bad things she told my h to get him on her side with that idea, having him think I was a terrible mother as well as wife. We are only 35 years old .i feel like he holds us back so much. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. 6. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. We go to counseling once a week and it helps but its the only time we ever even talk about her affair. Ive never really figured out how to process my first marriage and all it involved. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. I have lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband cuts that down. Rachel, hes not winning or in control. This came to our email by mistake. If anyone thinks they were lured, or tricked, or coerced, or anything else into cheating on your spouse then there is an issue. He has not worked in almost a year because it has gotten worse. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? Find ways to bond over shared experiences: taking a walk, cooking dinner, going to a concert or sporting event, or playing a board game or cards together. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. We were trying to understand how they could have gotten to this place and hypothesized what could possibly be going on in their relationships, and why. I think I need to do the same, start giving myself the self respect and stop basing it on my h assessments of me. Showing more affection in different ways or spending more time together may help resolve the issue. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. she had destroyed my confidence in our marriage.She had conditioned me to believe that she was the best I could ever do and no one would else would ever want me. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. He feels like he can't win. f. I can and will choose PEACE for my life. It's good for your health and can be a nice ritual for discussing your plans for the day. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. At the same time, dont neglect your own needs. He either doesn't want to be seen with her or he doesn't want someone else to see him while he is with her. I had counseled with Jed diamond who believed he is depressed but my husband will not even consider this. Encourage and compliment your spouse. I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. The cheating spouse still seems to be calling the shots. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. Your boys sound wonderful, and your husband is an idiot. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. And while that might sound easy enough, many of the common phrases we say in our daily lives can get in the way of achieving the goal of keeping an open dialogue between spouses. Our marriage for many years was all about our kids and their activities, sports, etc. Also when a person complains about being bored they are often bored with themselves not their marriages or spouses. I give up on getting a true apology. Press J to jump to the feed. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! Exercise Grace, I totally agree. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. In many cases, it may be that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated. Rachel Its my own sort of therapy to keep myself outta trouble. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. Actually.. You have my prayers. Your email address will not be published. Not even for the kids. You may have noticed unhappy employees. Like threatening to kill my cats, destroying my property, etc. Well, wow. Don't suppress your desire and build up resentment. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. No, not perfectly but he COULD have asked for what he needed. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. When you and your spouse are talking, put down your cell phone, set aside distractions, and focus on each other. . Agreed. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. I finally found my balls and filed for divorce. Pisses me off too. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . he says he feels indifferent even to his family. and we started dating. Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. In other words, I'm a good person! and weve been together 3. we have a son. Eg, its funny you commented about being a step ford wife, lol. If your husband is cheating on you, its crucial to confront him and figure out what to do next. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment . Hes preoccupied with other things. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. These are the games she played, along with you promised me thus, you promised me that, boo hoo. i just have to keep telling myself to quit obsessing over her happiness and to just do my own thing and invite her along for the ride. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. Not exactly good party talk! Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. Just because he doesnt want to spend every waking moment with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. IMHO. Weve been married 42 years. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. But some expectations. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. She is a safer target to vent my rage towards. 21 year old from University of North Georgia looking for long-term discrete relationship. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. Do you often think, my husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me? But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. Dear The HPV Question, First, I want to make sure you still have HPV. Any ideas? Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. . I ended up losing it through the ea, and looked damn good, yet became in the mind, of here I am looking good, yet my h still doesnt let her go. He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. Read Also: 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. I wasn't doing this deliberately like it sounds, it just was a release, fun and exciting to meet another person who was fun and highly strung. If anyone condones cheating, or blames one of the affair partners or a spouse, you just have to wonder WHY. Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. I am normally a fun person and outgoing, but even that has faded away. Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. You went into survival mode and I think a lot of cheaters do. And he needs to answer those questions. People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in. my husband constantly has a headache and does suffer from migraines but refuses to go anywhere. 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